As I survey the title “Spirituality and personal growth” I don’t know where to begin. Finding the photo was relatively easy, but expressing what’s in my heart is another matter.
As Oprah says on the last page of her magazines, “what I know for sure is…” if I am my best self, and my partner is his best self, then we have the possibility for a sensational relationship. When I falter, the quality of our relationship suffers; the same when he stumbles. When we both trip, we have to rely on our well-laid historical foundations to see us through until we can both be centred again, back to our best selves with our best foot forward.
To me, this is what spirituality and personal growth is all about.
I am my most spiritual when I am connected to what I care about, what moves me, what inspires me, that which is greater than any human being could ever be … my Higher Power. Sometimes my Higher Power is a Christian God, sometimes the Goddess, sometimes the Buddha, sometimes Angelic, and I acknowledge for others can show up in many other forms, or for agnostics and atheists, perhaps not at all. Key here is the notion that I am my best self when I’m connected to what I deeply care about (loving honest, compassionate, authentic, etc.) and at these times, the best partner I can be.
Why would I want to be anything less? Well, I don’t want to be anything less but stuff gets in the way. Life stuff. Historical influences, being stressed out, having aches and pains, being in a bad mood, wanting what I don’t have instead of being grateful for what I do have, worrying….. you get the picture.
So how do I attain the goal of being my best self? Well, through my own experience and what I hear from the experts, I do believe it’s having daily practices. Because rather than practice makes perfect, I prefer to say practice makes permanent. We’re practicing something all of the time and what we practice we get good at. Which is both the good news and the bad news. What we practice we get good at (our job, being loving, a sport, being on time, saving) and what we practice we get good at (negative self-talk, being critical of others as well, being late, spending).
Which brings us to the question of what to practice in relationship? Previous blogs have explored some of the key ingredients to statistically successful partnerships so I recommend paying attention to practicing: being honest, loving, compassionate, forgiving, listening deeply, being curious, having fun, knowing yourself and your partner really well, managing your mood, spending quality time together, being affectionate, paying attention, making one another a priority, saying loving and caring things, having shared meaning.
What about practices for self? Room for lots of creativity here! Experts recommend activities such as: meditation, exercise, healthy eating, self-affirming thinking or affirmations, gratitude journal, enough sleep, a job you love, indulgent self-care, quality time for self and friends, hobbies and so on.
To consider:
- what are you practicing? now? generally?
- are you practicing things that don’t support who you want to be and what you want to achieve?
- what new practices could be substituted for the ones not useful?
- do you need help or support in changing some of your practices? who can you ask for help? friend or professional?
