Shared meaning? By this I mean literally sharing the meaning of your lives together. If Bob’s goal is to have an easy life, take lots of time for rest, relaxation and travel and his wife Pat’s goal is to climb the career ladder, attend social events supporting this endeavour, network extensively in the business world to open up possibilities for advancement at alternative firms …. then, they’re probably going to be in some conflict.
In contrast, imagine Laura and Meg, partnered for a decade, who both have high-powered jobs and have to carefully manage the little time available to spend together. They met when Laura was walking her beautiful brown labrador Beau, and Meg was out jogging. With a love of nature and the outdoors, their time together at the weekend always includes time in the countryside near their home, or further afield when they take off for some special reconnecting time. Meg rediscovered her childhood fondness of dogs through Laura and Beau, and when time permits, they volunteer at the local animal shelter together. Their dream is to create the type of work where they can be home enough to train labradors for the blind.
Herein lies the clue to shared meaning. This is something more than career, something more akin to what you were put on this earth to do, your mission in life. And mission can change, depending on life-cycle and timing.
Mike and Helen are newly-weds getting down to the business of furnishing their home – for them it is a serious yet fun business. Choosing paint colours and fabrics, testing out beds and sofas and chairs, finding just the right lamp or nest of tables for the empty corner in the living room … activities they love to do together. Even decorating, together. Initially their shared meaning is nesting and as time goes by it will undoubtedly evolve into something else. Perhaps they’ll find a hobby together, perhaps a cause to support, maybe they’ll have children and have to decide who’s going to stay home to be the primary care-giver, at least for the first few months or years.
For those couples whose children and child-rearing become their shared meaning, trouble can come knocking as those children become adolescents and prepare to launch into the world of independence. What will Mom and Dad do now? Do they have anything in common? Can they transform their focus on raising a family to something else meaningful?
Perhaps they’ll discover a shared love of some pursuit like golf, biking, racing, hiking or ski-ing; perhaps something like antiquing, music, gardening or travel. Or maybe they’ll take up a cause like Meg and Laura – volunteering for a charity, supporting the environment or a political candidate, their local church, or getting involved in their community in some way.
For some people, getting in touch with what gives them meaning is incredibly easy, obvious, they’ve always known it about themselves. How about you? What gives your life meaning?
